Glitches Be Like…


January 24, 2013 by khrisgolder

Dishonored Glitch FailContributed by Tony the Gamer Dad

I sat down to play Assassin’s Creed 3 on Playstation 3 last weekend. Before I continue, let me just say:


Okay, now that the two people who haven’t played the game skipped past this part let’s talk about the scene where a young Conner returns home to find his village on fire. As he shouted for his mother, I ran about frantically looking for her. I dodged some burning debris, slid under a fallen wood pillar, and found her trapped behind a door. The door was stuck and I was supposed to find another way in. Using my video games skills refined twenty five years over, I remembered seeing a tomahawk on the floor on my way there. I turned around and ran to pick it up thinking I would use it to break the door open. Then, Conner stopped and refused to do a damn thing! I didn’t use a cheat, I didn’t try to go where I wasn’t allowed, and I didn’t mod the game. I ran to a previous area thinking I was supposed to and the game broke. Ubisoft built a new engine for the game and yet a simple thing like going back a few feet broke the game. Ten years ago I would have included the fact that I bounced the controller off the floor, but I’m grown up now and I have to pay for a new one if I break it.


Glitches like these are more common than candy corn at Halloween. I’m guessing a few of you reading this experienced this exact same glitch. A greater number of you have probably run into a game breaking glitch in Skyrim. I myself spent over 60 hours of playtime only to become unable to complete the Blood on the Ice quest. Message boards and forums are overflowing with complaints of glitch games with no end in site. In fact, whenever a game is released you can bet within days, if not hours, a new list of complaints will come in.

The cause of glitches has changed over the years. Once they were simply caused from a faulty connection due to the Nintendo’s terrible VCR style design to the modern, questionable quality control at Bethesda. The cure for glitches used to be a simple blow into the game, using a standard five second harmonic style blast. Today, you can expect companies will deny a problem exists, believing glitches are just a part of modern gaming. Even worse is when companies acknowledge there is a glitch, they offer a downloadable patch to solve things, which does no good if you don’t have access to the internet (or Live for 360 users). I guess some people just have to put up with a buggy Call of Duty: Black Ops 2.

The good news is not all glitches are terrible. Glitches can be game breaking, but there are just as many that are weird. Plenty of you experienced Red Dead Redemption’s animal people. I remember the first time I saw the high rate of suicides in Grant Theft Auto: San Andreas. The weirdest glitch I saw personally was Fallout: New Vegas’ floating heads. I’ve heard of characters falling through the floor, models being mapped with the wrong animation, and even objects spawning in odd places due to the fact that they appear based on the player’s location. Most of these are harmless yet mildly amusing little nuggets of programmer ineptitude.

The least likely to appear glitches are perhaps the best kind. Some call them neat tricks. Others call them cheats. These are the glitches that refill your bottles in Zelda. The kinds of glitches that deals extra damage to bosses in Mega Man as long as you repeatedly pause and unpause the game. They might even help you catch a Pokemon or Mew.

Love them or hate them glitches aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. So let’s do what we do best on the internet and bitch about them. I would love to hear some or your glitch tales, so why not drop one off in the comment section.

One thought on “Glitches Be Like…

  1. karynwolo says:

    My favorite glitch is in Fallout 3 with the old man at the top of the building (I believe his name is Allistair Tenpenny). You throw a bunch of mines down between the both of you, shoot at him, and then, when he comes charging at you, BOOM! Blows him practically to space. I never get tired of watching it!

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